Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Reconsider your inconsiderations?

Inconsiderate:
adj.
- thoughtless of others, displaying a lack of consideration.

My version:-
(1) inconsideRat = a very selfish neanderthal
(2) inconsideRats = plural form; many greedy swines
(3) inconsiderina = self-centred adult female
(4) inconsideroy = thoughtless adult dude
(5) inconsiderunts = offsprings of inconsiderina + inconsideroy


I reckon there are some people who wake up every morning and think," am i late? oh well, its ok cos i can just push everyone aside later so i wont miss my train and get myself a seat for my looooong train ride from woodlands to kranji."

I wish i had an auto camera to capture every single inconsideRat i see. from the inconsiderinas who practically dive for their MRT seats to those inconsideroys who just loves to cut queues.

dude, stop pretending you can't see us cos i can see u trying to look at me from the sides of your eyes. and don't pretend you did not realise a 20-man line beside you. or the 20 of us did not see you cutting. when someone taps ur shoulder, just act blur and say,"oops, im still getting used to my sight. i used to be blind u see." (however i do not think the blind are so unaware of/oblivious to their sorroundings!) and join us sorry queue-ers. do not ever turn and scowl and show a black face as if its our fault u got caught queue-jumping. not our fault ur parents never teach u the proper techniques!

given an option, i 'd sentence you to queue-jumper hell where everything requires a queue. even those that should not. like breathing. pump foul air in ur cells so that if u want fresh air, queue up. its in the next room. need to talk to someone? queue up! its 1 man per cell! there must be thousands of ur kind so u get 1 of each! 1 toilet, 1 plate and 1 shower. need anything? again, queue up!

and inconsiderinas - be it the aunties, future aunties or mommies - stop sending your inconsiderunts out to hijack the trains. i've seen a boy, about 5-6 yrs old, dash in and proceed to lie himself down on the seats occupying about 2 1/2 seats for himself and his parents. all the while beaming at his proud parents. pretty efficient tactic if i can say so myself. not subtle, but effective. mind you it was around 6pm at city hall and ur more likely to catch an airborne disease than getting a seat but getting 3 at a go, hey, thats almost heroic.

for this class of inconsideRats, y not dismantle all the seats? yes, we bring our own seats. but, wait a minute. they might bring sofas and take over the whole carriage? and the other 15 of us would have to squeeze in an area meant for 4! given an alternative, i would love to climb through the windows. or maybe wear thick protective gear like those u see on american football athetes and just tackle my way to my seat.

and then there are the gantry-blockers. those who just cannot believe that there could be something wrong with their ez-link cards. that something CAN happen to the cards. that somehow they might have depleted their credits or putting it simply, shit happened. and shit had happened! they will whack every side of their bags until that familiar green light appear on the card reader. and if nothing or the dreaded RED light appear they somehow think something must be wrong with the machine. they will be testing cautiously from one gantry to the other, trying to catch a machine off-guard or maybe slip past an unalert one. and like a prick holding a huge tea-bag, they slam all sides of their bags for the elusive GREEN light. and yes, in case u don't know, everyone's waiting to get inside too. before anyone could start tsk-ing, ish-ing, grr-ing, out comes another card from their butt-pocket and out they go. in malay i call it selenger.

thats from those who are going ONTO the train platform. how about those LEAVING? once they see the gate fail to open or the RED light appearing they panic and start looking anxiously left and right for answers. eyes wide and mouths agape, u'd think they're sentenced to life in train station. imprisonment for failure to top-up card! some look so scared i could swear they are searching for escape routes.

in any case just swiftly move to the side. preferably a side where you would NOT disturb the flow of human traffic. don't just stand at the gantry flipping the card telling urself, " eh? nothing wrong wat? the card same colour wat? " if u cannot read the response from the card reader then simply proceed to the control station where our train station officers should be more than glad to assist the occasional gantry-blocker.(then again if you can't read what the machine says im wondering how u got this far on the blog..hkekhe!) and again, yes, we are waiting for you to overcome your shock and get the hell out of the way!

and last but not least, the i-cant-wait-to-get-in-the-train vs please-get-me-the-hell-out-of-here passengers. this syndrome is quite forgivable because its almost inevitable if you happen to get sucked into the whole fracas. even if u happen to be near the door, behind the designated yellow line, u suddenly find yourself 3 layers behind when a train stops. where do these people appear from?

my suggestion would be to stand as close to the door as possible. if your nose can touch the glass ur doing it correctly (im talking about underground stations!). however, if its those stations that are above-ground, timing and determination is of the essence. step in closer just when the train passes and keep your ground. do not let anyone bigger push you aside. once they know u won't budge, they realise u mean business. as for the seemingly 'weaker' ones, give no face! thats what they want u to feel until they start pulling out their umbrellas and shoppings bags and elbow their way through.

talking abt elbows, thats what i use. im about 185cm/90kg so when i stuck out my elbows its almost always near the average singaporean inconsiderina's or (the occasional) inconsideroy's face. so if im in a bitchy mood, i'll just stick out both my elbows and wait for the unfortunate
recipient. u can't ever get any satisfaction till u do something bad people.


as much as i want to change things i know most of them could not be helped. for the seniors, i almost always give way. i pity u having to stand for a long journey. but if u sit and chope for ur whole 18-member family, thats abit too much. if you're sick, and u absolutely need the rest, u better act sick. and i mean really sick. vomit blood if you have to. if ur born sotong, i might help pull u away from the gantry. or maybe even call an ambulance. i don't want to be the last person to touch u when u drop dead after ur panic-attack. if ur a kid lying down on the seats, careful, my ass is gonna be very near ur face. but i won't sit. instead i'll just tense up my abs and let the gas disfigure you for the rest of your life. and if u simply cannot wait to get in the train, maybe ur face requires a reunion...with...my...elbow.

or maybe i should get a car?

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