Dont make me jab my thumb in!

I love picking my nose.

I love the fact that ALL my fingers can reach inside and do the necessary (no, not all AT ONCE, though the thought really excites me). I'm proud my nostrils are that flexible. Yes, even the thumbs, though it doesn't do much but i appreciate the fact that it can fit. Sometimes i do it to make sure it still fits. You know, in case i lose some fingers, it can take over the responsibility.

Nothing beats the feel of a freshly dug nose. The way crap collects under your nails as u probe and shovel your way through, can make any monotonous journey livelier.

Pearlyta hates it when i korek my idong. She says everybody's looking whenever i launch a dig. And she'll cringe and push my fingers away.

"So?" Not stopping but noticed an auntie with eyes like plates and mouth agape staring at me. "Not like she's gonna help me dig right?" giving my usual straight-faced retort.

And even if you would, its offensive. You're stealing the few joys in life that this sordid, sorry world can offer.

How would you feel if i suddenly come up to you and stabbed my thumb in your nose?

Not only would it hurt (cos we can't be sure if all nostrils fit my thumb), but its an outrage of modesty! Yes, like rape! Anyhow put ur digits up people's holes; siao! So disrespectful. Of cos, its a diff matter if u got permission la. However, its MY hole and only I can meet its requirements.

You love travelling? You love discovering new cultures and exploring diff places? Then i trust you dig your nose lots too! Cos its the same!

You go in, you search and you discover! What more do you need? Its conveniently located on the middle of your face (for some, it may be sliiiiiightly senget but no worries, just stretch more) And if you hit jackpot, Congrats! you can now practise shooting! What a better way to spend the afternoon or a boring bus ride??

Don't you just hate such discriminations? Its like, come on man, my hole sia..MY HOLE. Let me do watever the blardy hell i want with it! You don't like you close your eyes loh. Not like i'm doing it in front of your face wat? (Another thought that excites me. I can almost imagine creeping up to that auntie and tap her shoulder with my index fingers halfway up my snout. And hers is about an inch away. )

Fine, i know it's disgusting. Especially if you have that flicker of an urge to know how it tastes like today. And you're not sure if you should just gulp it now or save it for later.

But hey, most of the time i do it out of necessity. Or just to irritate Bb.(im such a Bb-Terrorist!) I would like to make it a hobby but i can't because there's only so much that you can dig. Before you know it, it's done. And you're back to being bored. It doesn't give much long-term satisfaction but that few seconds of high is definitely bliss. (it shows when ur nose glows red...like after climax like dat!)

How many of you ever had a booger flapping in your nose? Like those streamer-thingys people stick on air-con vents, u know, to check if its working. I despise those as much as i despise tea (tea is to me as kryptonite is to Mr Kent).

Its not there when u inhale but tickles you just enough to let u know its there when u breathe out. And its almost always DEEP inside that you can barely reach it. And you'll be making piggy faces at the mirror in search of that sneaky bastard! But careful, dont dig too deep. Wait you poke your eye then how?

You look left, you look right but your nose hairs get in the way. So your fingers decide to penetrate into enemy territory:-

Alpha 1: "Eagle 2, Maintain recon status. Bravo 3, you're clear to proceed."
Eagle 2: "Roger that Alpha 1."
Bravo 2: "Affirmative Alpha 1, we're goin in."
[You start to huff and puff your nose just in case. You find it only irritates more.]

Alpha 1: "Eagle 2, what's your status? Any visual on Tango?"
Eagle 2: "Negative on the visuals Alpha 1. We are experiencing a lot of static on radar. Its deep jungle out here, sir."
Alpha 1: "Roger that Eagle 2, switch to infra-red scanning. Bravo 3, wat's your status?"
Bravo 3: "Still no luck sir. Its gonna take some time through this vegetation."
Alpha 1: "Keep your eyes open gentlemen. He's out there somewhere."
[Your face looks like crumpled prata as u dig-dig and look-see-look-see]

Bravo 3: "Alpha 1, we have visual! I repeat, we have visual! Tango sighted! Permission to engage sir!"
Alpha 1: "Affirmative Bravo 3, affirmative! Maintain your objective; search and destroy all targets! Eagle 2, proceed to support stations!"
Eagle 2: "Yes sir! Eagle 2 proceeding now!"
[You feel something at the tip of your finger and you desperately try to latch on to it ]

Bravo 3: "Tango down! Tango down! Alpha 1, target compromised."
Alpha 1: "Eagle 2, proceed to waypoint, 'Delta-Papa zero-niner-zero-three', for pickup. Bravo 3, transport targets over to 'Charlie-Lima zero-two-seven-one'. Get your asses home gentlemen. Well done."
[Another booger excavated, another mission accomplished. All in a day's work]

See! Can become adventure! Fun right?

By now i'm sure you've jumped the gun and assume i'm an inconsiderate, disgusting and probably smelly nose-picking junkie, shooting my nose crap everywhere.

I'm not. At least for the last part. But i have deodorant and i do help the poor if i have extra cash (which comes by everytime i see a dancing hippo).

I take very good care of where and when i drop my boogers. I realise not everyone share the same sentiments and most of them (incl. Bb) prefer to shun this normal human act. Hide it all you want but i'm not gonna suffocate myself if theres too much shit blocking my breath.

I'll do it whenever and wherever!

At this point im afraid i'll be getting many weird looks from a lot of my friends but its ok. As a gesture of goodwill, i'll dig your nose next time we meet.