melayu bongok!

it was a really sleepy day when a call came in, " Uhhhh (ala patrick from SpongeBob), ixciiuuuuze mee, yeuw cuhn cherk four mee or nok hao cuhm threer chaaaargez four my mobile telephoooone? Wai yuu all anyhow chaaarge me?" i felt like i was slapped awake.

A 40+ makcik had rudely demonstrated one of the worst possible sounds from a person. The teloh-tak-menjadi or cannot-make-it slang. Like the bagpipe - its simply irritating, period.

My ears had difficulty making out her pseudo-american slang. I had a hunch the conversation is not gonna go smooth.

[at this point i'm too upset to continue in english]

kimek, aper siak ni makcik nak bual step omputih???? kirakan aku impressed ah, takot ah? Takyah nak belit2 ah bual..macam menyusahkan diri engkau jer kan? Nampak sah aku melayu siak! Kiwak kalau ko memangla pandai, ko kalau dengar aku bual da bleh tau per.

Nyampah siak orang gini. Lagik2 yg muda2 tak sedar diri beh nak bual pekat step paris hilton. U noe, yg penuh ngan like-like. Eg: " di'en u knoww, loike, i jezz caim bark frum LA (Lor AhSoo gaknyer), uhnd loike, it wuz farckin Hot o'er ther', loike u knoew, burnin n awL "

No, i don't knoewwww. Please repeat in a language im familiar with. Paris hilton? Kulit dala cam paris hilton nyer anjing! And they would refuse to converse in their mother tongue cos they think their mom's lidah is not worthy of their supposed mental capacity.

Case in point, this acquaintance of me & Bb. Dia cakap dier tak makan "Berlaaarchien". Dat time tengah makan kat Spize opposite Kepoh Road. Ikotkan hati nak lempah jer garpu kat dahi dier.

meh isap "Kohhw-Nerck" meh. Which i wouldnt cos takot gigi-kopek-klapa dier tergigit putus alat kelamin ku. And niza wouldnt be too pleased wit that either. Both the ripping and the act beforehand.

I believe it is much harder to speak VERY fluent MALAY as i find it quite different from the way we speak it at home(as u can see from this chapalang entry). It takes more skill and i should say, talent. Eg: Najib Ali – macam sedap gitu dengar dier bual melayu kan?

Back to that makcik: Yg paling aku takleh accept is biler aku slang balik while explaining pasal HP kotek dier, dier bingit!! Dier kata dier susah nak paham, beh suroh aku takyah nak 'extra' English sangat.

Siallah!!! Kata trailer bas besar, Kata dier aku EXTRA???

I was explaining how to send an SMS la fuck!!! like put in a 3-letter code IC, then send to another number. And i know how to operate her mobile cos she was using a Samsung D820! I have that fone! So how fucking difficult can it be for u to understand if i can show u step-by-step from Menu??

Dala BEBAL, OTAK MATI, SOMBONG, TAK SEDAR DIRI!! tak lama lagik ajal pon taktau tengok muka kat cermin kepe? Kalau otak tu da lembab, da mintak antar scrap, jgn susahkan orang lain pakai handphone! Gi simpan duit tu buat tempah plot kat pusara aman!

Beh starting macam mana peh terror jer. Sudala, orang macam gini bual macam paham. Biler da stun, otak da block, teros bual melayu baik2 mintak tolong. Nasib ko baik maseh ader orang yg tau sabar.

Sigh, next time aku dengar orang bual cam gini confirm aku siapkan garpu. Sudu pon sudula...yg penting tu bender aku cacak kat hidong!

I was so fucking angry just now. My colleague almost mistook me for Tyrese (cehh..nak Tyrese jer!) cos of my super-black face!

Its Fri and im meeting Bb later! At Last! Lucky its the weekend now, and i am abit more tolerant of such insolence.

So to the rest of u lovely beings...have a pleasant weekend too!

[Its 6pm and i cant wait to run off!]