A PLAN and so much less.

The past week screamed by leaving me with less than nothing to catch my breath. My day-to-day accounts were more like a Baja 500 race than a midnight cruise on the ECP. I need to drop a gear.

Yah right, as if my life can be so exciting. Or busy. Work is the same, relocated to Suntec though, and i'm beginning to loathe the 15min walk to my workplace. And the 40-storey ride to my office. I'll bet one of these days my ears would explode as i walked to my desk.

I'm obligated to update you lads on the latest happening in my life. Wait, lets not put it as happenings cos there were nothing remotely happening that happened. My recent every day affairs. Thats more like it.

~

Had my exam last Monday. Results will be out next week and those who need to take the sub-papers should receive a call by this Wednesday.

[ I am taking this opportunity to announce that from this day forth, i am uncontactable via any telecommunication devices whatsoever and if you do receive any anonymous calls regarding my whereabouts please inform the caller that Andy is dead and you are more than honoured to accept his transcripts which he had passed with flying distinctions (given to those who not only scored highly, but also has excellent handwriting). ]

i am looking forward to that call as much as i want a colonoscopy.

Next on the list is, and i am not blurting all this out according to date or order whatsoever, THE PLAN. To travel to the Middle East sometime in the 4th quarter of next year. THE PLAN came out after a very big dinner and i have a strong belief THE PLAN was conceived under the increased levels of carbo and cholesterol. I know because i agreed to THE PLAN.

THE goddamn PLAN:

1. A holiday in the Middle East with Ola and Bb
2. Save $100 - $200 /month till proposed date of departure
3. Open a banking account with StanChart (as ordered by Ola) so that money can easily be transferred between accounts. Im supposed to deposit into StanChart from Posb. We'll see.
4. Hope for a minimum of $1500 to be amassed by late next year. (i think the amount can hardly survive a trip to Paragon)
5. Ola (aka Ms Tyrant D'Icktator) hoping to discipline me into saving. I'm into saving as much as cats are to water.
6. Babysitting Ola upon take-off. Barf bags. Sigh..
7. Spending 4 nights with Ola around. She's a great buddy and all that but having to look at her early-morning-face more than 3 times is 3 times too many.

So yeah, i have THE PLAN. I would love to invite more friends but having Ola and Bb are enough. As you know, i have 2 ears. Which are just perfect for my incredible noise-canceling headphones!

I would love to add in "The adventures of Bb at RMG this week" but i reckon she won't approve so i'll leave it at that. And ya, if you have the extra cash, go to Raffles Medical Clinic/Hospital. I'd recommend you only pay them a visit when you're ill or something la, not for fun. Cos that's the first time i see a clinic send SMSes to remind their patients of their appointments and even an SMS-Feedback system.

1 word. Freakin Brilliant! And ya, the attentive and caring staff helps too. I don't know about you but my medical knowledge is limited to taking Panadol and the occasional koyok but from what i hear from Bb, they seem to be doing a fantastic job.

Wentworth Miller is creating havoc with Bb's loins cause he's such an intense actor and his brooding, strong and impressively smart character makes for good tv. Prison Break is THE show to watch dear loyal subjects. In fact, catch him cause he's such a hottie! And that my friend, is something i cannot believe i just shared nor will i confess again in such an excited manner. Unless of course if we're talking about Hugh Jackman. Stop it. I'm making myself uneasy here.

I watched the show with Bb last night and caught a Nokia N73 ad during the commercial break which deserves a highlight in this too-long-an-entry.

The ad had an ugly dude who can be seen moving frame by frame looking at a rabid white car together with his equally rabid friends with the help of a sadistic photographer thinking stop-motion-ani(deep breath in! ok..GO)mation-photography makes a colourful ad look more lively. Luckily it had a nice girl with a hell of an ass in it. Yes Bb, i saw it too (though i can admit it was pretty hard controlling my enthu but i managed splendidly. Unlike Bb tho. I think she enjoyed it more than i do). The thing was daring me to join her on-screen sia! Luckily you're around.

[note to Bb: The fact that i can remember it was an N73 ad means i was not only focused on the woman's tush. Can you say that for yourself dear?]

And now, here comes the end. Just like the other show on Ch 5. If all good things come to an end, then all things bad should be dismembered and incinerated at Senoko.

It is going to a fruitful next few months as we look towards the end of 2006. Ramadan is here and somehow everythings so swell. I like Singapore this days. I smile more and worls seems like such a nice place. Donno why. Hmm..waitaminute..maybe i do...

SG Idol is over. Thank God.

Loneliness - killing you one day at a time.

Lone-ly:

• the state of being alone; in solitary isolation
• sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned
• a disposition toward being along
• Things are indeed going to be different when you're away.

Reality hasn't sunk in yet but knowing how it always has a knack for drop-kicking me from my blindspot, i am preparing myself for the worst.

There will be changes.

To whom should i SMS to when i'm home Bb-dear? With whom should i share my boring day-to-day adventures? And can one have an exchange of reviews with oneself after a good movie?

This largely involves things we do together almost every time. Most of which, when done alone, would only make me feel severely incomplete, not to mention, weird.

But i'm happy things are turning, dare i say, well, for you. Because this is an opportunity for you to do things that U had always wanted to do. I am grateful to Him for giving you that chance.

It will be sooner than expected before loneliness slowly creeps in. However, using my finely-tuned skills for self-distraction, i'm sure i'll manage. For a week at least. But there would definitely be days when all i need is my other half. More so when you are also my bestest-est fren.

When somehow my arms have sculpted themselves to fit over your waist and the perfection of how my neck and shoulder cup your head when you doze off in the train, it's gonna be nothing less than a struggle to cope with the fact that no, there's noone beside me. Not now, not anytime soon.

Sigh.. I miss you would take on a whole new meaning.

Nonetheless, i'm more worried about you.

Please eat? I do not want to see you lose anymore weight. I'll never forgive myself if you look all anorexic and unfed. Like me.

Please do not think too much? If you're on your bed and feeling all sleepy but homesick or Bb-sick or whatever, just let exhaustion take over. And i know talking helps you a lot so i hope you'll get a house-mate who's an excellent listener. And by that i mean deaf.

Please be more tolerant of other humans? Calm down, be patient, keep your cool, and pray for an 18-wheeler to finish off what you can't. I heard counting to 10 helps but try to keep your volume down because from experience, screaming while counting isn't very effective.

Please do not get too worried about everything? Yes, this is the same as "thinking too much" but one can never underestimate how much you put thought into something, hence the double emphasis on this issue. (One of my biggest fears are you scratching your temple, tilting your head, and frowning over a piece of crossword and the next second, BOOM!) Let things unfold by itself and no, you do not / would not have control over everything and that is ok.

"A Plan is only as good as its Execution and Flexibility."

Believe it or not i conceived that myself. You can stop laffing now.

Please remain positive? Because the only good thing out of a negative is a/an HIV test. So ya, keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on it, for sure. Dat's wat beer is for.

What had started as something totally serious and so not amusing, i have made this into something else. Forgive me but I didn't mean to. As i had said, all of this has not sunk in. Not yet atleast.

So until i feel reality's facial-altering drop-kick on my head, i shall let this case hang.

For now.

I'm so gonna be a crying wreck at the airport!

Andy's Collection of Incomplete Stories #01

Title: Cycle

Go, staring down her torso, and don't come back, scowled Daddy before shoving a $50-dollar note into Suzy's face. Her last window of hope closed as abruptly as the slamming of the door before her.

The sting of the jab was nothing compared to the pain within. Her usually radiant brown eyes quivered shut. As did her lips. She could feel the cash slowly float to her feet, its soft touchdown reverberating an extreme sense of cold within her. The heaviness in her heart was something she had never felt before, nor expected. Suzy felt nauseous again.

Grabbing the rusted-silver gates of her home, she staggered to maintain her balance amidst the pattern of clothes strewn across the corridor. She stood, awkwardly bent, left arm on the metal barriers, her right on her mouth. Fingers gripping the bars tighter, she heard Daddy's words again. This is home no more.

My fault. Again. Suzy shook her head. Hope is scarce for the condemned.

Glancing back at the motley disorder before her, waves of memories flooded her mind. This was the corridor she had run going to kindergarten every morning. This was the only place her parents allowed for her afternoon game of catch with John. This was where she had her first kiss.

A kiss which she hoped would lead to something else. Naively believing it was what Love felt like, Suzy threw herself headfirst into her first relationship. But the boy did not even like Suzy. He left soon after he got what he wanted. That was 5 months ago.

Her gaze fell to her feet, her left heel resting on a green sleeve. Setting herself down on the dusty steps, Suzy lifted the garment from her left slipper.

Patting the sleeve, she started caressing its worn neckline, the plain green T was too small for her now, but she remembered wearing it every time it got cleaned. It was her favorite eventhough it took her three years to fit well into it but she always felt "safe" wearing the shirt. But most of the time, she liked that it reminded her of John. It was his favourite too.

John always hugged her when Mummy and Daddy talked loudly and got sad. He hugged his younger stepsister even tighter when both of them started to shout and cry. Suzy never knew why they were always angry but John always got her talking about her day and about Carebears. Suzy loved Tenderheart. And John always drew him for her. But John never explained to Suzy whenever she asked what "derr-voss" meant.

She remembered standing at the gate when John went to school that day. She reminded herself to tell her brother all about the day's Carebears episode when he comes home.

He never did.

Suzy only fully understood the details of his accident years later. A kind neighbour told Suzy that John was late as he was buying a present for Suzy's birthday. Carrying the wrapped box home, a speeding red Honda failed to avoid John. His injuries were so severe he never made it out of the intersection.

John's sister never received the gift. She had a feeling the pretty box had an orange bear in it.

Mummy blamed Suzy. She said Suzy killed her John. Her only child. Since Suzy wasn't hers, she made sure Suzy knew that too. You're no child of mine so don't expect me to treat you as one. Mummy behaved strangely as days went by.

Daddy never talked to Suzy again. When some people came and brought Mummy away, Daddy stopped talking altogether. The only time she recalled him speaking was when he was talking to the police at home; something about hospital and this word - institution - which Suzy never understood.

Suzy did not miss Mum. It did not make any difference if she was around. But Suzy loved Daddy. He is, after all – Daddy. The only father she ever knew. He wasn't always like this though. She knew Daddy blamed her too. He had lost a wife.

Folding the little green T, Suzy started to retrieve her belongings. There weren't many because she couldn't afford much. But she was grateful.

Stuffing each item into an old National Day Parade haversack, she bent like a hardworking rice farmer.

I'll be fine alone she thought aloud.

When the last of her possessions were recovered, Suzy held on to the parapet, and started stroking lovingly on her conspicuously bulging tummy. The t-shirt she wore did little to hide, instead, emphasizing its size.

Don't worry darling. Mummy's gonna take care of you ok?



*To Not Be Continued...Ever*

good help is hard to get..

My exams are in 2 weeks and theres lots to cover. When my classmates asked the lecturer for tips, the lecturer started showing pages after pages of "important notes to remember".

"In other words the whole book la?" i asked.

He sarcastically smiled.

I realised asking him for tips is like asking me for a loan.

No point.

* Does the burn-the-notes-and-drink-it method work? Hehe..so when my classmates ask me how i did it i'll give them my most sexy, blank look and say:

"I swallow."

Bb got back!

I recently noticed that Mummy likes talking to Bb a lot. Theres always a story to tell or an issue to discuss. Then again, she generally talks a lot so its not that different anyway.

I think she has grown fond of Bb. And Bb's not afraid of speaking to her anymore. Which makes the house very noisy every time Bb drops by.

I like that my mom approves of the relationship. Ayah too ofcos. A man of a few words, he doesn't talk to Bb much. Nor to anyone for that matter. Thank God.

So if Mummy and Bb chats, Ayah and me would be watching tv. And i would be telling them to shut it cos its incredible 2 mouths can make a 5.1 home theatre sound like a transistor radio.

But the latest developments has caused me to worry about my position in the household. You see, Bb received good news when she got through an interview (the nature of wic i will touch on later) so i called up Mummy(we were in the train on the way home) to tell her that her prayers must have been answered. She didnt say much but wanted to speak to Bb.

Ok, maybe she had something to tell Bb. They talked for about 7mins and when Bb hung up, she grinned. The most evil grin i've ever laid my eyes on.


Me: So what'd she say? [curious]
Bb: [grinning] i don't think i should tell you.
Me: Wha..? Watchu mean u SHOULDN'T tell me?[worried]
Bb: I don't want to upset you. [still grinning]
Me: And why would i be? [very, very concerned by now]
Bb: Cos your mom likes me. [putting her hand on my shoulder]
Me: And i would be upset about that because...? [wats with the "comfort hand"?]
Bb: What i meant to say is, i think she likes me. A lot. No, i think she prefers she had me as her daughter now. I think she is wondering what she did for her to deserve YOU. [not mincing any of her words cos, sob, I asked for it. "comfort hand" already massaging my shoulder by now]
Me: Mm..Mm..Mm.. [lips moving but silent]
Bb: There, there...its ok. Not ALL moms love their children.
Me: ????????

Mummy Thief!

Knowing that she's gonna squeeze the situation for all its worth, i started tickling Bb. (Mature? No. Effective? Definitely.) How dare she tak-tau-malu go and declare that my mom preferred her!

She laffed but i dont think her opinion changed though.

Me: Cannot la liddat. I have to bring you home less.
Bb: Why?
Me: If bring u home less, i wont be homeless.
Bb: [laffing] y so worried, jealous ah?
Me: Ofcos! U think wat, i hang around my mom for 24 years for fun isit? Then sum "gerl" come and anyhow take over. MY gerl sumore! How cunning! U want u better fight for it. [flick my fingers on my nose. Not sure wat for but bruce lee does dat. ]
Bb: Fight? come ah, take off shirt, lai ah..
Me: Can oso!
Bb: u sure YOU want to take off YOUR shirt?
Me: Of cour...[paused] [look at tummy]

Fuck.

Not only did she steal my mom, she got my ego as well.

I love that girl.

my friend the genius!

Just found out Mr Crikey died. An evil stingray from hell had stung Steve Irwin on the chest and he was pronounced dead before help arrived. He is survived by his wife and 2 children.

Stingrays shouldn't kill people cos they look so un-fierce and they are very delicious. For that, every Bbq Pari i eat is dedicated to u Steve.

~

How would you like it if someone's phone conversation woke u up from a pleasant mid-Sunday slumber?

This much right?[index finger and thumb a hair's breadth from each other]

Short of swinging my machete out (i keep it under my first fold of tummy flab) - this is abominably a whole new level of rudeness. And wrong! Like asking someone to get out of the loo when he had already declared prior to entering the toilet that he is going for a shit, thus deeming the requests or demands for him to disengage his ass from a process by which his ass had commenced its unquestionable uploading endeavours totally redundant. Its wrong no matter how nicely u ask!

Now that we've got that out of the way, i didn't know the conversation was about my favourite (aka menyampah) couple. And Ola, being her fiery self, had to blog it up. Again.

Here's my take on - Bimbos:-

M (aka moron; the male half) said that being a cabin-crew is basically doing a bimbo's job and his wife, MxM (aka moron squared; i never knew such level of stupidity exists until i met her) concurred. But of cos.

Which was not surprising cos the last time i heard her make an opinion was for a skirt a girl was wearing being very...redundant. Re..dun...freakin...dant.

Ok, hold it.

If i wore 2 jackets at the same time (Which i jokingly did but she didnt say redundant, she asked if i was cold. [Andy shaking head slowly])- DATS redundant. And mad.

If i had 3 freakin balls – i'll choose the smallest, ugliest, hairiest one and cut it off cos goddammit DATS redundant. And ugly!

And if had 3 fuckin nostrils, i'll cover one up with Blu-Tack and concealer cos that extra fuckin hole is fuckin REDUNDANT!!!

[wipes sweat from forehead; deep breaths]

Ok la, don't laff at pee-purr when dey say wrong ting but wen dey say wrong ting many many how? And den put nose so high in duh sky like dey got say sumting super cleber how? Got deserve to laff or not? Got not?!

Mai kay-kiang! Donch noe donch hantam la! If you cannot reach the sky then maybe u should try lower. Like a bookshelf. U know that big book you use to reach the top of ur closet? Its called a dictionary. Use it dammit!

U might be wondering whats with the sudden animosity. No, u have to understand that she, especially, has a unique place in my heart. I reserve that place for people like terrorists and such.

She stirs up a lot of emotions within myself. From the insensitive comments she makes and the inconsiderate way she treats her friends. Its a miracle she still has them.

I guess that's where she is not all that bad. Maybe that's why she still has people who care about her. Who bother to ask her to try something new, for her own good, as she herself declared that she needed a better paying job.

And for that, she said nonchalantly that the recommended job is for idiots.

When her good friend is working as one.

This entry, like my sleep yesterday afternoon, will end prematurely . Cos somehow, somewhere, deep inside, i feel that thinking about MxM, again, is like hailing a cab at 10pm in town - a total waste of time.

Useless.

I have a word to describe her, and its ironically appropriate and fitting.

Re...urgh..u know what i mean.

Work hard, pelir sure hard.

Someone must have killed Awi. Atip is up to something so covert he is uncontactable. And Zu muz have been kidnapped and his mobile phone sold off to some 2nd hand shop in Geylang.

Nobody's around!

Bb said Shamie had a half-bottle of...stuff and wanted to meet up. Before i could get excited she said he didn't bring it as he was from work.

Burst my bubber oney.

Have 2 pojeks to finish but could'nt becos OpenOffice decided to chew my report and exchange ALL my bullets into 1s. As in " 1. blah blah blah " for topic or subtopic or...GRrrr!

Fuck it..I'll do it later.

Meeting up my pojek-mates at the National Library at 10-freakin-am to finalise the details of the report. I won't be sleeping cos 10-freakin-am is an ungodly hour for a weekend meeting. And theres lots still to be completed. Planning to stay till mid-afternoon.

Seriously considering sticking myself with a coffee-filled IV drip.

Someone would make lotsa money with those.

Oh well, atleast its the weekend. Get to spend more time wit Bb. She's making me laff alot now. Always disturbing me. But i like, never sure why. Like the wise words of Master Yoda: Very irritating, she has become.

Furthermore she said her assets are ready for tender. Or was it very tender? Cos she's having The P. donno la, maybe later i should do some checks to confirm.

Ok la, for those of u having the weekend off - enjoy ur freakin selves. Have some dirty fun for once!

For those still slogging it out when ur friends are having the party of their lives and the break they so badly deserve.....too bad loh. Not my poblem. Not happy change job loh...