Loneliness - killing you one day at a time.

Lone-ly:

• the state of being alone; in solitary isolation
• sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned
• a disposition toward being along
• Things are indeed going to be different when you're away.

Reality hasn't sunk in yet but knowing how it always has a knack for drop-kicking me from my blindspot, i am preparing myself for the worst.

There will be changes.

To whom should i SMS to when i'm home Bb-dear? With whom should i share my boring day-to-day adventures? And can one have an exchange of reviews with oneself after a good movie?

This largely involves things we do together almost every time. Most of which, when done alone, would only make me feel severely incomplete, not to mention, weird.

But i'm happy things are turning, dare i say, well, for you. Because this is an opportunity for you to do things that U had always wanted to do. I am grateful to Him for giving you that chance.

It will be sooner than expected before loneliness slowly creeps in. However, using my finely-tuned skills for self-distraction, i'm sure i'll manage. For a week at least. But there would definitely be days when all i need is my other half. More so when you are also my bestest-est fren.

When somehow my arms have sculpted themselves to fit over your waist and the perfection of how my neck and shoulder cup your head when you doze off in the train, it's gonna be nothing less than a struggle to cope with the fact that no, there's noone beside me. Not now, not anytime soon.

Sigh.. I miss you would take on a whole new meaning.

Nonetheless, i'm more worried about you.

Please eat? I do not want to see you lose anymore weight. I'll never forgive myself if you look all anorexic and unfed. Like me.

Please do not think too much? If you're on your bed and feeling all sleepy but homesick or Bb-sick or whatever, just let exhaustion take over. And i know talking helps you a lot so i hope you'll get a house-mate who's an excellent listener. And by that i mean deaf.

Please be more tolerant of other humans? Calm down, be patient, keep your cool, and pray for an 18-wheeler to finish off what you can't. I heard counting to 10 helps but try to keep your volume down because from experience, screaming while counting isn't very effective.

Please do not get too worried about everything? Yes, this is the same as "thinking too much" but one can never underestimate how much you put thought into something, hence the double emphasis on this issue. (One of my biggest fears are you scratching your temple, tilting your head, and frowning over a piece of crossword and the next second, BOOM!) Let things unfold by itself and no, you do not / would not have control over everything and that is ok.

"A Plan is only as good as its Execution and Flexibility."

Believe it or not i conceived that myself. You can stop laffing now.

Please remain positive? Because the only good thing out of a negative is a/an HIV test. So ya, keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on it, for sure. Dat's wat beer is for.

What had started as something totally serious and so not amusing, i have made this into something else. Forgive me but I didn't mean to. As i had said, all of this has not sunk in. Not yet atleast.

So until i feel reality's facial-altering drop-kick on my head, i shall let this case hang.

For now.

I'm so gonna be a crying wreck at the airport!