Never say Goodbye...

Here i am again to pen my thoughts cos she's going over very soon. Next week to be exact. And i bet next week will come real quick.

I'm starting to feel Its presence. Also known as Forlorn or Desolate, i shall try to distance myself from It. But leaving misery's company is never easy.

Will try.

My thoughts: Controlling It would be easier if i can pinpoint an emotion at any particular time but i cannot because there are so many feelings coming and going.

My mind's a runway: landing and leaving; nothing is ever there for long. And the fleeting thoughts are like the millions of transiting passengers who arrive on our shores daily.

I may vaguely recognize a face, but the stranger's gone before i can recall a name.

Affections, Longing, Embrace, Love, Loss - they have all shown their mugs at one time or another. Taunting me to expect them to make a longer stay next time around. But i am turning a blind eye, or merely showing my back on their visits. Because honestly, i do not have the strength. The least bit of strength to face any one of them.

And when anyone of them manages to make eye contact, the questions start flooding:-

Where do i turn to if i need advice?

Now who would give me that shoulder to lay my tired head on?

And if all else fails, where is that embrace, that hug or that miracle cure, that would take away all things bad and leave us both smiling because it is never bad as long as the hug is ours?

What if i don't need a hug, a kiss, nor even an assuring grip of your fingers - but a smile? A smile that could melt the hardest hearts.

Am i saying i will try to face all that? WE will face all that? Every morning? Or night?

For five years we have relied on each other's presence to carry us on. Day after day we hear each other's voices, smell one another's smell and touch one another's skin. Having at least one of that every single day helps us survive. It makes each tiring day a breeze.

There will be none of that when i wake up next Friday....

Can i try to adapt?

I do not have the strength nor the courage to face them head-on. That i confess. As solid as i may sound or look or even carry myself, there are a lot of things that i do worry and am very much concerned about. I may not show it but, as i said, they are the passengers whom i show my back to.

It may not be recommended but ignorance has kept me sane all this while. And that, in part, i have to thank you Bb dear. For keeping the love strong during our toughest times and distracting me from my worries.

Remember our date at Milennia Walk 5 years ago? We took our first dance while i sang you a ballad. And we smiled one of our biggest smiles ever. The memory is still vivid because it was one of our finest moments. I will cherish that no matter where you go or what you do.

I will make it up to you dear. I want to give you so much but i couldn't. I want to take care of you as how you took care of me whenever i was sick; but you'd be too far away. And as useless as how you think of me sometimes, i do know that i make you happy.

So for now, this is the best that i can do. I should be supporting you, not only because it is my responsibility but because you deserve this more than anyone i know.

Its a sacrifice we have to make for the plans we want to achieve. Thank you dear for keeping it together all this years.

All the above questions i have said do not deserve an answer. It affects me as much as it affects you dear. We have our own ways of managing it but i guess our goals are similar. To get by one day at a time. Until our next rendezvous.

I wish you a safe journey always and the best of luck in your career. Be good and stay strong. Look after your health and take your meds when required.

In all truthfulness, I am not looking forward to your departure date; but i'll keep a lookout for your next arrival. Because frankly my dear, you're the only one worth waiting for. And absence, as they all would say, can only make me love you more.

Prepare for MY arrival sometime in 2007 ok?


[Bb, writing this down really made me very sad. And i am sure it'd upset you too. I'm so sorry yayang. But you need to know. So I will share with you my smiles and my frowns. Bit by bit.]

Its a long one today..

Let me try and recall what happened the past 10 days or so (not in chronological order or merit): finally met up with the frat club; had a haircut; petition for a shower in the office; commencement of my RT; ghastly CityLink lady; cancellation of Leave; and last but not least, Nuclear-equipped Ayam Penyek.

~

Frat Club Meeting:

After a loooong hiatus, The Clan decided to meet up in town. It started with Zu and Awi but i was pleasantly surprised when the German Sistas - Momo and Moi-moi (not their real names. I think.) were present. Atip joined us abit later at Forum, Kopi Bean as we decided to chat abit before Awi went for his gig at HRC.

Awi changed his hair colour. A cross between a terrier and dried up weed. But it looked kinda good so i guess we can safely say he's a handsome bastard junkie now.

Athif however, from God knows what revelation he had before the decision for his hairstyle, went for Jim Carrey's "Dumb&Dumber" look. And he's complaining why he's not getting any action in bed.

Zu, now the old dude, was celebrating his B'day when the meeting happened so i guess he can be forgiven for looking like any other old fuck - same ol', same ol'. And he dared say he just had a haircut. Fortunately he didn't explicitly say where.

We ended the night with a get together of sorts at East Coast after supper-ing at Bencoolen. There was Atip, Awi, Zu, Momo, Moi-Moi, Shamie, Azni, Bb and Me. Setting our asses on our usual spot overlooking the sea, i could not ask for a better way to end the evening than a fantastic kalaoke session with Atip minding the guitar and Awi giving a free show (the bastard fortunately sang ONLY ). Alcohol also had somethnig to do with it but lets not get technical here ok?

~

Haircut:

After much contemplation (coin-flip) i went and had my haircut. All by myself mind you because asking Bb's opinion on it would only be met with, "What for you cut your hair? Your hair ok what? No need la. Don't waste money can?" and the best of the lot, "Eh, you so little hair still wana cut ah? You sure not?"

After which i would be kicking myself in the arse for even thinking of such a move. Kinda true abt the not enuff hair thing. But looking like an electrocuted Beatles fan is not very considerate to the early morning commuters either. So to the chopping block my hair went.

Sitting in the chair as the stylist went "prata" with my head, he asked me, "So how you want your hair?"

"Preferably longer with wispy ends and tinted slightly ash-brown wit very subtle mahogany highlights to give it some volume. Also giving it a more healthy texture and shine any shampoo ad or hair spa would be proud of would be great. And while you're at it, why not you make it look like a different Hollywood actor's everyday of the week." i wanted to explain but decided otherwise.

"Please make it thinner on the sides and try not to touch the top. I'm saving it for my wedding. Make it how-you-say, layered, if possible?" breaking it down as gently and systematically to the stylist as possible.

"You mean cut short la?" the stylist muttered blankly.

"Guess so" Mr Guinea Pig replied in a similar tone.

"Aiyah...simple la. No poblem, no poblem. Come, follow me go wash"

Before i could carelessly cry "Go wash wha.." i saw the hair-washing contraptions. Ahhh..he better give me a good head rub (*giggle**giggle*).

The "good rub" made me imagine putting on a condom and turning back to find your partner snoring. Very stranded right? Before you can actually enjoy anything, its suddenly over. Never felt so cheated.

It took less than 15mins to get everything done because, in the first place, there wasn't much that needed to be done. Snip, trim, blow (good tag for Male Waxing don't you think?) and thats it. Mr Stylist could even squeeze in a sales pitch to try and con me out of a $22 dollar hair wax. No can do Mr Stylist, i did that once and my hair still looked the same; only expensively ugly. Thing is if the head rub was phenomenal, i might reconsider.

~

Shower in the Office:

Dear Mr Big Boss,

Re: Installation of Shower or Body-Washing Facility in empty cubicle.

It has come to my attention that my colleagues and I share the same predicament every morning in our seemingly endless cross-border treks to reach our office. To this effect, I am recommending a petition so that you would seriously consider installing a shower in the empty cubicle beside mine.

Names of personnel in support of petition:

1. John Johnny Jonathan
2. Syed Brad Bin Al-Am Pitt
3. Andy Wentworth Miller
4. Patrick Starre Feesh
5. See Pot Blue, George
6. Hai Nee Zah, Bee-Bee
7. Mi Re Boaz, Cerestine
8. Terkuyak Slua San (your Japanese intern)
9. Wee Pang Jiu, Paw (aka Paul)
10. Koh Lerr Gong, Sam

As you can see, the only employee who is not included is Bau Har Park, your Korean part-timer who is incapable of basic human hygiene so we did not raise this issue to him.

The existence of the bathroom would really be beneficial to us as it would improve everyone's hygiene in the workplace thus increasing productivity, efficiency, and morale. This would also be helpful to Har Park in particular, as we could move his desk into the cubicle saving everyone sudden occurrences of spontaneous nasal combustion.

On behalf of the rest of my colleagues, I would like to thank you for your kind attention and again, I hope you would take this request into serious consideration.

Warmest Regards,
Andy Wentworth Miller
Employee Num: 007

~

Commencement of RT:

As my heart gets to pump a little above the average speed every Sundays and Tuesdays, i'm actually looking forward to getting all fit and healthy all over again.

I have an aim: To look like Fitty Cent by the end of the training sessions.

If not, gimme discount Fai Cent also i take. I chin-chai one. Steady?

I just finished the 2nd session and i'm starting to feel my muscles expanding. Seriously. I can feel them bigger than ever. And i ran 4 rounds (outer lanes ok!) without stopping. Wah sey, not bad ah? Very good, not bad, quite good is what Shamie would say. And i did that without fainting! Incredible ah?!

I tell you, once everything over you all cannot recognise me one. Guarantee, chop, laminate put on frame ah tell you. Come insult me and i'll slap you and i will run away with it. Effortlessly.

Watch this space, cos my bouncing chests will mesmerize you in 2 months time! By that i don't mean man-boobs ok.

~

Scary CityLink Monster:

I see her (assuming the "thing" is a female humanoid) everyday going the opposite direction towards Cityhall MRT scaring everyone in her path. Which is very inconsiderate yet unusually helpful at the same time.

Firstly you'd gag at the sight but then you'd thank her for spooking you out of your zombie-like mode. Which is always a good thing considering how i can easily doze off when i walk.

The Lady of the Swamp is in her mid-40s and is like any other middle-aged lady if not for the tentacles on her head and the, and this i again assume, territorially-motivated battle scars she displays proudly on her face.

Somebody please teach her basic make-up skills can??? Walau! Every morning eye pain sia! She's a walking Andy Warhol art piece! But be careful when teaching, in case u lose a finger explaining the finer arts of lipstick application.

And the hair! Siallahhhhh! They're tentacles, seriously, and i shall stick with that until i see a difference. Whose the stylist? K1 art and craft students isit?

I would love to stuff her head in a bag every morning for the benefit of the general public but im scared i'd turn to stone if i accidentally look into her eyes. There goes my public-spirit.

~

Cancellation of Leave:

I was supposed to be given 3 off days a fornight ago but it got cancelled as i was explained that the instructions from my LadyBoss were a misunderstanding.

I'm still crying every night for it.

~

Ayam Penyek Nuclear:

If i eat, i'd want my meats to tear effortlessly and melt instantaneously as soon as it touches my tongue. It still has to be slightly chewable as it is after all, meat, but nonetheless consistently tender and juicy. Bursting with flavour and bringing me up to the heavens and letting me back down ever so gently letting me dwell in the delight of welcoming another portion into my mouth.

The complimenting sauce need not necessarily be de rigueur: for example chocolate with steaks but it should work and relate as great as the comraderie between wine and cheese.

But Ayam Penyek came along and it squeezed all that by the collar and stuffed it up its poultry ass.

The one at Raiz (Eunos) is radioactive. Before your third spoonful you should notice a piece of meat that resembles an otak-otak on your plate. That's your tongue little grasshopper. Keep it in your shirt pocket in case u forget, and carry on. You don't need a tongue now cos tasting wasn't part of the package. Just get it done and over with.

Keep a bath towel handy because looking like a wet sock after a meal is also never cool. And if you can, pop some dry ice into your belly so that you won't shit out your bowels the next morning.

Ayam Penyek's sambal hardly freezes but as long as you keep some in your freezer (in a lead bowl of course) it'll stay edible for a good 277 years.

Another use i discovered for the sambal is welding. Or cutting of thin sheets of steel or iron. Just smear it and wait for 1 hour or 5mins. Voila! The former, instant sheet cutters! The latter for joining metal.

~

So there you go, a few of the things that happened the past 10 days. I wish things were a bit more interesting but hey, its me you're talking about here.

I'm as exciting as a doorknob so please, if you did not expect much before you came here, then i guess i've done too much to have made you read this far.

Good Monday to aLL!

I had a pari-bakar for sahur just now and as stated in a previous entry, that one's for you Steve.
It was sad eating and thinking about your demise but at least the fish was good. Delicious actually. So I guess you can say one man's bread is another man's poison.

Literally.

~

Got my D820 back! And my first project for it was a really really gorgeous wallpaper.

Bb...i LikE!

Thanks to Bb, it wasn't that hard. *big smile* Now I get to see my Bb's diffwent faces everywhere I go! Coolness to the Maximus if i can say so myself.

And I made myself very spiffy ringtones too (free somemore!). Luckily i don't know how to put them up as i'd so be "action-ing".

~

I'm in LoVe with Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice-cream. I have a strong feeling I can finish 2 pints by myself if not for Bb's interruptions. Its impressive, I know, but I think it's a bit unhealthy.

But why buy if you're not gonna eat it right??? I buy because its $9.90 at VideoEzy at Triple-8 but like, $12 at Vista Point Cheers. Correct me if I'm wrong, fellas, but that tub-of-guilt reeks of a good deal! So I buy loh! And I eat loh! And I feel proud finishing it. Like how Sir Stamford used to say: If you're happy.....and.....you know......it, clap....your.....hands!

Oh well, there goes my six-pack.

~

*Yawn*

You at work? I'm not working today (wait for it......altogether now, WOOHOOOO!)

Pity you drones going by your routines on this splendid Monday. I'm sleeping in (rubbing it in..) so please do not call me unless my bed's on fire. In which case I'm not sure what you're doing in my house. But don't fret mates, it's the start of the week so make this day work well for the following days.

And, just a favour, if it's not too much trouble, would you be so kind as to wake me up before you punch out? Aww, come on....don't be a meanie!